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Andy Murray, You Suck…and some other stuff

by Josh Powell | September 6, 2010

Murr’ Disappointment
Another year gone by and still no Grand Slam. What the hell are you up to? You’re 23 years of age for crying out loud and if you don’t win one soon, or sometime over the next decade, then you’re never going to do it! Time, like our patience, is quickly running out Mr Murray. At least with Tim Henman we always knew he was never really going to win one, so we cheered him on with the same fantastical hope you momentarily feel when you check your lottery numbers on a Sunday morning. Greg Rusedski’s appearance in the US Open was something of a dog with an especially well polished backside on a very sunny day, or two weeks as the case was. But you Andy, you’re actually good enough to win Grand Slam tournaments, not just one flukey one but several. If you retire at 30 that leaves you with only 28 more chances to win one of the big ones! 28 more chances to disappoint us, most likely. We’ve invested a lot of our hopes and dreams in you and it’s very selfish of you to continuously fail us like this. Okay, we may not have put in any of the actual work or made the sacrifices you’ve made and true, it is only a game which should be enjoyed for its entertainment value and not because we’ve falsely invested ourselves in the fortunes of someone we’ve never met because we’re too lazy to go out and create those feelings of success and accomplishment through our own achievements, and any bets placed on you are done so solely because we believe we can profit off the back your success. Still, I had a tenner on you to go all the way. I’ll be expecting a cheque in the post.

Roo Dirty Dog
The surprising thing about Wayne Rooney is not that he has to pay for sex but that he actually has a fairly attractive wife who is prepared to do it with him for free. Is it really front page news? And should we really be looking to poorly educated multi-millionaires who play football for a living to guide us through the minefields of modern morality? Rainman may have been able to count matches with great speed but would you have asked him for advice on how to chat up women? Or men, I don’t want to come across as sexist or homophobic and I’m pretty sure he’d be as helpful with the men as he would be with the ladies. If he wasn’t a fictional character in a film.


Twits

Kevin Pietersen’s excuse for his not too clever Tweet about not being included in the England one day side was that he didn’t intend it for the public domain. I think someone needs to sit down with these sports stars and explain how this whole internet thing works after Dimitri Mascarenhas followed suit with an expletive filled rant at the chairman of the England selection committee. What ever happened to sending such abusive thoughts to your closest friends via the medium texts or emails? Just play your sport and leave the clever 140 character witticisms to the Stephen Frys of this world.

Well, there’s some random thoughts for the day. Feel free to give your own bitter opinions on these matters or by all means have an aul rant about something else that’s irking you this Monday. Go on, get it off your chest, it’ll make you feel better.

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