A familiar scene from John Terry’s love life – wet, grimacing and with a pointless piece of plastic on his arm
It’s great to have John Terry back as England captain.
He just oozes commitment every time he utters that immortal phrase ‘we’ll take tip-off’.
And no-one picks what end to play towards in the first half with such a commanding certainty.
Plus watching him exchange a miniature pennant at the same time as posing to shake hands with a fellow international captain for an awkward pre-match photograph is a thing of beauty. Wow.
You have to wonder why there’s always such a fuss being made about who gets the England captaincy. It’s not like in the cricket where the skipper has a say in team selection and then decides upon whatever on-field tactics are required to balls up a straightforward win. In football, there’s not a whole lot of extra responsibility that comes with the role. If he wants the captain can shout a bit more than everyone else and if you fancy it, physically threaten a referee or two. If you’re feeling especially ambitious, then you can always go for the iconic ‘bloodied head-bandage’ look.
Then there’s the argument that the captain needs to lead by example on the pitch. If the England players did follow JT’s example to the letter then they’d almost always look slow and technically suspect and that’s … patently … not … em … true. Of course you can make the point that it’s an honourary position, but say ‘honourary position’ to John Terry and he’ll tell you he prefers missionary. Or doggy if he needs to keep an eye on the door.
It shouldn’t really matter, but by deciding 13 months was a long enough period of time for John Terry to learn the valuable lesson in life that is ‘don’t shag a team-mate’s missus’, Fabio Capello has opened a can of worms he could have left on the shelves of whatever institution took the dubious business decision to stock tinned non-arthropod insects. It didn’t take long for the bastion of high moral rectitude and clean living that is Rio Ferdinand to have a moan and even Terry has admitted that his reappointment has the potential to cause division within the camp. We are talking Premier League footballers here, so presumably he’s talking about a split between players who think a man should be allowed make a mistake and those who think infidelity is wrong and/or just haven’t been caught yet. If we are going to worry about morals in picking captains, then Capello should be spending a little less time in Premier League grounds every weekend and more time scouting the monasteries of the nation.
All the potential disharmony shouldn’t matter too much this Saturday. These days the biggest threat posed by Wales is a slagging from Robbie Savage on Twitter. And with Gareth Bale suffering a late case of ‘Ryan Giggs Syndrome’ the main danger is Craig Bellamy going on the rampage with a Big Bertha. Even though he’s a central defender, England’s captain has a great chance of triggering our Money-Back Special . For once he could be more talked about for getting something on the scoresheet rather than on the bedsheet.