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Breaking News: Rio Shake’s Up The English Language

by Rob Dore | June 8, 2011

Many of you may already have had your suspicions, especially those of you who are up on your Tweeting, but we came across this very interesting picture of William Shakespeare. Maybe it’s just us, but doesn’t he look an awful lot like Rio Ferdinand? Apparently the family name was changed after his death to that of a character from The Tempest to escape the attention of avid fans and researchers. Although the details of Shakespeare’s life are sketchy at best, with his movements during some extended periods being a complete mystery, we think this image is pretty darn conclusive.

Is it any wonder he’s the most eagerly followed Premier League footballer on Twitter when he comes from such literary stock? Just like his famous ancestor, Rio isn’t shackled by the confines of what others would call “The English Language”. The Bard invented over 2,000 new words in the writing of his plays but Rio goes even further than that by doing away with some words altogether. Numbers instead of words? The boy’s a freaking genius.

It seems strange then that Ferdinand has been labelled as the least literate Premier League Tweeter. A language analysis tool apparently discovered that 88% of his words used are deemed basic. The same tool discovered only 50% of Joey Barton’s words are similarly uncomplicated. 38% more basic than Barton? He had to hit back at such slander…..and he did….with these:

‘So if u shorten words to get wot u want in within 140characters it makes u a twit?! I think that’s working well within the 140 boundaries!’
And
‘I swear down, we need more than 140charcters on ere, I want 2 get tings across wivout avin 2 use numbers 4 words!’

Damn right too. If there’s one thing the world needs more of, it’s Rio Ferdinand’s banal, ill-informed, utterly pointless opinions which nobody asked for. No one asked Shakespeare to write MacBeth in 140 characters. Swear down that.

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