We’re not allowed to say too much about the riots for fear of saying something controversial, though the fact that I’m using letters and words in a written format should put this out of reach of most of those who have been taking part. The rest will be watching themselves on reruns of Jeremy Kyle as they wait to get their hoodies and balaclavas out of the washing machine. Which they nicked from Dixons. The thieving, low-life scrotes. At least only one game has been postponed so far.
Moving quickly on, here’s a look ahead at some of the good and bad possibilities for the coming Premier League season. I’ve intentionally not been conclusive so as to leave a little room for your own additions…and because there are only so many hours in the day…and I started to run out of funny things to say.
So feel free to chime in and the best contribution/s will win a €/£50 free bet. Which I will award on Monday.
Liverpool look like they may be a legitimate force in the title race this season and with Dalglish back in charge we’re sure for some spikey moments between him and Ferguson. Even if his team fail deliver this Scot will be a match for the other Scot on the psychological battle field.
Is Ferguson about to do it again? Wasn’t he supposed to be retired by now? The team which won the title last season simply wasn’t going to repeat the trick this time round. The United boss has made some quality signings as well as having some very promising youngsters to promote into the first team. The Community Shield offered a glimpse of what could be the newest version of Alex’s irritatingly successful United.
Andres Villa-Boas. Potentially as good as Mourinho but less of a dick. We’re not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. There are still a lot of question marks over just what kind of impact he’s going to have but if his work at Porto is anything to go by, Chelsea will be contributing to a very exciting season.
Sergio Aguero. Younger than Tevez, arguably more skilful than Tevez and certainly less of a terminally grumpy sod. He should replace Tevez’ goalscoring on the pitch and be a positive influence on the dressing room. If City are to really challenge for the title, Aguero will be key and the rest of the players may start to believe Zabaleta when he tells them that the vast majority of Argentinians don’t hate everything.
Romelu Lukaka. As he’s black, a francophone and can head the ball, the lazy comparisons have already been made with Didier Drogba, but the Belgian has got a far bigger box of tricks and is a lot more versatile. Plus he won’t elbow someone in the head and then throw himself onto the ground in a heap if someone sneezes in his general direction. He could make a big impact in his debut season.
Arsene Wenger’s refusal to buy the experienced players he actually needs. As good as Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Gervinho may be, Arsenal fans are growing a little tired of small, quick attacking players with bags of potential. Potential doesn’t win trophies, as six barren years will testify too. The Emirates Cup doesn’t count.
Newcastle under Mike Ashley and Alan Pardew. They seem intent on doing everything with as little class as possible. There’s little excitement around St James’ Park these days as these two systematically kill the club’s spirit, which is quite the task. A lot of people’s choice to go down but that may just be wishful thinking. It’s hard not to feel sympathy for those tattoo covered, bare-chested chaps on the terraces.
Steve Kean. Blackburn finished last season like they were on a bungee jump with no rope. It was a little bit surprising that the owners have kept him on after deeming Sam Allardyce ill-suited to achieving their goals. Blackburn getting relegated with Big Sam’s West Ham coming up looks almost destined to happen, giving pundits a perfect opportunity to misuse the word ‘ironic’.
Heurehlo Gomes. Two words that strike fear into the heart of every Tottenham fan and optimism into the heart of every half-arsed punt trickling towards goal. It looked like Harry would turf him out the door over the summer, but guess what – he’s still there and ready to throw one into the net whenever he’s called into action. He’s still just about hanging in there around White Hart Lane a bit like the feeling of what it’s like to lift a major trophy.
QPR. What’s the point of being a money-bags club everyone hates if you’re not going to spend any money? After buying their Golden Ticket to the Premier League, ownership wrangles have strangled the club’s spending to the point where they signed Kieron Dyer on a free. That’s Kieron Dyer – the player so injury-prone it looks like he’s Siamese twins with the treatment table.
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