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Transfer Deadline Day as it happened

by Aidan Elder | January 31, 2013
BECK IN THE GROOVE: Goldenballs is expected to join PSG (pic: Inpho)

BECK IN THE GROOVE: Goldenballs is expected to join PSG (pic: Inpho)

It’s Transfer Deadline Day and we couldn’t be more excited if Mila Kunis just revealed she has a thing for sarky sports journalists who work for Irish betting companies based in Dublin.

We’re in for a few hours of thrills, excitement and speculation. Or failing that, a few hours of the Sky Sports News presenters trying desperately hard to convince us they give a crap where Luciano Becchio ends up.

We’ll be here throughout the day to keep you up to date on all the latest news, speculation and complete lies on Twitter that we always fall for. Exciting isn’t it?

Main headlines




23.13: There seems little point in hanging around waiting for late deals so let’s draw a line under the blogging here. To wrap up, the big news of the day was the David Beckham brand moving to PSG, Chris Samba moving to Blackburn and then…eh…I’m going with Peter Odemwengie making a tit out of himself. Other than that it was minor moves and lots of filler from the crew at Sky Sports News. Jim White battled on bravely but not even his awesomeness could shine an exciting light on a dull day of transfers. Thank you and good night.

23.00: The window is now closed. Thank you Peter Odemwengie for bringing some entertainment to our nights.

22.58: Have today’s dealings, or lack thereof, left you feeling a little like this?

22.54: Rumours are circulating that Alex McLeish has walked away from his job at the City Ground. The collapse of the George Boyd transfer from Peterborough over issues with his eye-sight may have irked Big Ec.

22.49: We have an interview with Harry Redknapp that’s not being conducted through a car window!! He’s trying to explain what happened with the Peter Odemwengie deal without making himself sound like a dodgy car dealer. Which simply isn’t possible.

22.46: Despite earlier spurious rumours linking him to Liverpool, Dutch goalkeeper Maarten Stekelenburg looks like he’s going to end up at Craven Cottage. Martin Jol is looking chuffed with his work during this window.

the thing

22.42: There really doesn’t look as though we’re going to get a big signing in the next 20 minutes. Come on City!! Get that cheque book out and do something mental!!

22.25: Everton have done a deal for Barnsley’s 18-year old defender John Stones. Signing him to a five-year contract.

22.23: West Ham director David Gold is trying to drum up some interest in midfielder Diame by insisting that no one has made a bid for the player. At least not one that meets their valuation.

22.12: Former Liverpool full-back Stephen Warnock has definitely signed for Leeds United on a three-year deal. It’s not exactly breaking news I know but it’s worth a mention.

22.10: The Odemwengie mess could yet see him moving to QPR. They still have 50 minutes to sort that one. Jermaine Jenas’ deal has been signed and Spurs’ 21-year old midfielder Andros Townsend has joined the club on-loan. Oh Harry.

22.02: The only mildly interesting transfer still on the cards is Kevin Doyle to Celtic. As an Ireland fan it’d be good to see him get some games and score 40 goals a season. He was on the bench for Wolves’ 2-1 loss away to Leicester tonight so they’ll need to work fast.

21.59: I forgot to mention Kevin Philips’ move to Crystal Palace from Blackpool. Well I say forgot, more nodded off.

21.54: Aston Villa fans have signed Tottenham’s Simon Dawkins on loan. His middle names are apparently Jonathan Dreamsmasher. This may be a wikipedia hoax but I really hope it’s true. Unfortunately all dreams at Villa Park have been well smashed by now.

21.52: Here’s a funny picture of Neil Warnock doing some last minute transfer research I nicked off Twitter.


21.41: Bubbles have been burst my friends. It seems the Leandro Damaio to Spurs deal is off after the Internacional director had this to say.

Damaio won’t leave, the offer was below what we wanted.

To add more disappointment to the boredom Gary Hooper won’t be joining Norwich. Celtic manager Neil Lennon confirmed he is not for sale.

Contrary to reports there have been no new bids for Gary. Even if there are, they will be rejected.

21.30: Brek Shea is somehwat muted as he struggles to expresse his excitement of moving to Stoke through the window of his car. The former Dallas FC winger now has to leave the country so he can apply for a work permit. Rounds of “U-S-A” from the Stoke fans were sure to make him feel at home.


21.28: I do hate to agree with Simon Jordan but he’s right, David Beckham signing for PSG isn’t technically a transfer because he’s unnatached. Pedantry straight from the Sky Sports News studios.

21.25: Does Alou Diarra’s loan move to Rennes mean West Ham are less likely to sell Diame? Spurs are the team most interested in the imposing midfielder.

21.22: Graham Hunter confirms Liverpool have missed out on Barcelona’s talented 21-year old winger Isaac Cuenca who has instead gone on loan to Ajax.

21.07: They’re STILL banging on about Chris Samba. Yes he’s a good player, a little over-priced and over-paid perhaps, but that deal was done yesterday. We are hearing that Peter Odemwengie has left Loftus Road, no doubt starting to see the flaws in his plan as he drives back to West Brom.

20.55: Barely known Everton striker Magaye Gueye may be off on loan to France. Bolton are also close to signing Partizan Belgrade midfielder Medo Kamar.

20.52: Leandro Damaio is at White Hart Lanes to discuss a £17m move. This will get a Big Money Move graphic if it goes through. Someone has also put a bid in for Diame. We don’t know who though, so it’s not quite a news story yet.

20.29:So little has been going on that I’ve been forced to come up with a limerick.

There was a player called Odemwengie
Who thought the rules were bendy
He rocked up to Loftus
To force through the offers
But the Baggies were being unfriendly

20.20: The official West Brom response to Peter Odemwengie’s arrival at Loftus Road.

Baggies confirm no agreement has been reached with QPR over striker

ALBION have moved to clarify developments regarding Peter Odemwingie after the striker was filmed a short while ago arriving at Loftus Road.

The club can confirm they have held further discussions with QPR today but those talks have so far proven fruitless and no agreement has been reached.

Albion would also like to make clear that Peter has not been given permission to speak to QPR about a potential move.

20.14: The Jack Butland deal has been signed we hear. Stoke City fans are delighted as you can see below.


20.07: Peter Odemwengie has gone rogue!!! So desperate is he to get involved in a fruitless relegation battle that the striker has driven to London with his manager to force a deal through.

19.59: As we prepare for the awesomeness that is Jim White we appear to only have a couple of realsitic big transfers in the offing. Leandro Damaio (highlights below) to Spurs is apparently still on and we wait to see if Everton can pull of a coup and land Negredo.

19.54: In the context of what has, or hasn’t, happened today Nacho Monreal’s reported £8.5m move to Arsenal is a big money move. It’s certainly an area Arsene Wenger needs to strengthen and he appears to have secured the talented Spanish international defender from cash strapped Malaga.


19.51: It appears the QPR caretaker is not a Jermain Jenas fan as Sky Sports News show the former England midfielder standing outside a locked Loftus Road.

19.46: Jim White has been released from his cryogenics chamber. It’s almost Jim Time people.

Jim White Released

19.40: Fulham have completed the loan signing of Bulgarian defender Stanislav Manolev from PSV.

19.38: I’m not so convinced about these Liverpool goalkeeper rumours. Particularly the Reina one. How many truly handsome bald men are there in football? Seems foolish to let him go.

19.25: BREAKING NEWS!!! Heurlho Gomes has been at Spurs all this time!! Who knew? The Brazilian is off to flap at crosses for Hoffenheim, where he’s on loan until the end of the season.

19.24: Mike Ashley can really turn a neutral supporter against Newcastle. Here he is arriving at the Newcastle training ground today.

Ashley Helicopter

19.21: WILD SPECULATION!!! Peter Lawwell, Celtic’s chief-executive, has been spotted returning to the offices at Celtic Park. This can only mean one thing. The Gary Hooper transfer saga continues. Actually we’re told it could also mean Celtic are looking to sign a player. Goalkeeper and left-sided player has been as accurate as Sky have managed so far. In depth stuff. Of course Lawwell could have forgotten his mobile.

19.03: PETER CROUCH NEWS!!!! Oh what a f***ing surprise, the news is that nothing is happening. Crouch is staying at Stoke after talks with QPR broke down and in case you were interested, I’m guessing you’re not, Kenwyn Jones isn’t being transferred either.

18.59: Dutch stopper Stekelenburg had been linked to Fulham but the rumour mill claims he’s off to Liverpool. With Doni leaving and Brad Jones not very good, the Roma player is likely to be Reina’s back-up

18.56: After a quick tea break which involved some unsuccessful flirting in the canteen, it’s back to the transfer grind. There’s news on Peter Crouch coming up…my breath is duly held.

18.41: Peter Odemwengie may not be off to QPR after all. Jermaine Jenas is though. Some good and bad news there. In that order.

18.38: DJ Campbell  appears be off to initially thrill but ultimately disappoint Blackburn Rovers fans. Something they’ve become used to.

18.34: Nacho Monreal’s move to Arsenal is looking closer and closer. Graham Hunter knows something he’s not allowed say.

18.22: Norwich City are doing their best to make something happen with Gary Hooper. The Canaries continue to make bids and get knocked back. Chris Hughton is also reportedly after Curtis Davis of Birmingham City. City want £4m but may do a deal with Leon Barnett going the other way. 

18.20: Breaking NEWS!!! A rumour Sky Sports made up earlier in the day was almost definitely made up. Leandro is not going White Hart Lane. So he probably will then.

18.17: Alvaro Negredo’s moving to Everton may still be a possibility according to Mr Hunter. Genuinely interesting this one. Oh transfer Gods what must we do to rouse you? I’m not above dancing naked outside.


18.12: RUMOUR – This looks to be a genuinely possible one with Arsenal reported to be close to signing Malaga full-back Nacho Monreal. He gets the thumbs up from Graham Hunter.

18.10: Jonathan Forte leaves Southampton to rejoin Sheffield United on-loan. Yup, that’s where we’re at right now.

18.07: Here’s a picture of David Beckham at his press conference. His attempts to speak English went down well.

Beckham Press Conference

18.03: Simon Jordan has joined the fray in the Sky Sports News studios. Here he is pre-make up.

orange man

17.58: Poor Dave Craig is being forced to stand outside in the dark and the cold. In Sunderland. He didn’t even have any news. Louis Saha has been released by Sunderland. Danny Graham has still signed. We don’t expect this to change before the window closes. Winger Elmohamady has rejoined Hull on loan.  Pete Colley could also do with a warm coffee but he opened up his particular take on some stories we already know with a terrible Cilla Black impression so screw him.


5.49pm: This is what the lack of news has done to Transfer Koala. Cute but unprofessional.

Transfer Koala

5.37pm: Joshua has left the building. Metaphorically. He’s still at his desk but I’m (Rob) taking over for the next six hours of David Beckham, Mario Balotelli and Jim White doing his darndest to make no news sound like news.

Jim White Researching

5.31pm: Newcastle have signed teenager Kevin Mbabu on a three-and-a-half deal from Servette. The most exciting and notable element of this deal is that the lad is Swiss and not French. Interesting.

5.24pm: Jermaine Jenas has arrived at QPR ahead of a possible move from Tottenham. Ray Wilkins is on Sky Sports and says it is a great move because Jenas has ‘a lot of legs’. More wonderful insight.

5.15pm: Not long now until Mr Deadline Day Jim White takes to our screens and that means that the clock is ticking closer to the 11.00pm cut-off when the window will slam shut. The original Jim White bingo game should hopefully inject some excitement into this transfer window…

Jim White bingo

5.10pm: Who needs a striker? Louis Saha has been released by Sunderland and is now available for nowt! Four goals in his last 38 league games might not exactly be prolific but at least he’s free.

5.08pm: News coming through that David Beckham is donating his PSG wages to a children’s charity in Paris. What a man.

4.56pm: Breaking news! Jim White is on the Sky Sports roof and Wembley have lit up the arch on this ‘special day’. According to Mr Deadline Day himself ‘so much is happening, what a day it has been’. Jim please stop lying to me, it’s been crap.

4.52pm: Transfer deadline day might not be living up to expectations but at least we can still be endlessly amused by Nicklas Bendtner’s attempt at looking like some kind of mafia member-come-fashion designer.

Bendtner fur coat

4.45pm: David Beckham has spent approximately 79 per cent of this interview looking confused and hoping that smiling awkwardly helps him with the language barrier. Luckily an interpretor has stepped up and Goldenballs is rolling out cliches about being ‘excited and honoured’ to play for PSG.

4.39pm: Under six-and-a-half hours left of deadline day and we’re still waiting for one of the big boys to make a move. All quiet from the Manchester clubs, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool so far. Plenty of time for that to change though.

In other news Beckham has rocked up to his press conference 40 minutes late. I’m not so sure if that falls under the category of ‘fashionably late’ or whether it is just poor time-keeping on Becks’ part.

4.33pm: For most football fans today is Transfer Deadline Day, for Arsenal fans it is just Thursday.

4.24pm: No update yet as to why David Beckham’s presser has been delayed. Reports are that the medical all went smoothly and we’re just waiting for the man himself. Maybe he’s trying to get a clause into his deal about the Spice Girls performing in Paris next year.

4.07pm: Despite the fact that nothing has happened for some considerable time Steven Pienaar still thinks things are ‘crazy’. I suspect his perception of crazy is very very different to Mario Balotelli’s perception of crazy.

3.54pm: Harry Redknapp is still delighted with Christopher Samba. The QPR gaffer has been collared by Sky Sports again, this time not in his motor, and the wheeler dealer is grinning from ear to ear about the purchase of the big centre-back. He also mentions that the Peter Crouch deal is pretty much dead. Of course this is Harry Redknapp talking so there’s every chance the Crouchie deal will still go through.

3.35pm: We’re just 25 minutes away from David Beckham’s press conference with PSG. What squad number will he take with 7 and 23 already taken? Will Victoria’s designer label headline the Paris fashion week? When we he develop a hilarious French accent? These are the big questions we need to know!

3.28pm: This is torture. Nothing is happening on Sky Sports and because Twitter is still down I can’t even bring you a wild rumour from an unverified source!


3.25pm: Mike Ashley has shot off in his helicopter and according to Sky Sports that is Newcastle’s work done. No more players will be heading to St James’ and Alan Pardew won’t be getting any more resources as he tries to stop the rot at Newcastle.

3.22pm: All quite in the transfer window at the moment. The most exciting thing that appears to have happened is that Jim White has crashed the whole of Twitter.

3.05pm: Reports are that the Jack Butland deal is worth just under £5 million or less than 1/10th of Fernando Torres. In my book that’s some good business by Tony Pulis.


3.03pm: It’s been a good day for Jack Butland. He’s been named in the England squad for the upcoming friendly against Brazil and now he’s signed for Stoke. According to Sky Sports Butland will be loaned back to Birmingham for the rest of the season which would indicate any move for Asmir Begovic will not happen until the end of the season.

3.00pm: One man who is still dominating all the headlines is Mario Balotelli. The Italian striker will don the number 45 shirt for new club AC Milan after leaving Manchester City for £19 million. We will miss you Mario, thanks for the memories.

2.51pm: Jim White is at the Sky Sports studio and we’ve got an exclusive picture of his desk ahead of his stint on deadline day…

Jim White office

2.32pm: Since Harry Redknapp joined QPR it seems that everyone has had a clause put into their contract saying all interviews must be conducted from car windows. Adel Taraabt is the latest man to get in on the act and he is basically chuffed that Christopher Samba has joined the R’s. He’s also really confident that Harry’s work in the transfer market will keep QPR up, if you agree you can back them at 6/5 to avoid relegation.

2.24pm: Great news for Tottenham Hotspur fans – the Sky Sports News fella, I didn’t catch his name, says not to rule out any movement at White Hart Lane! What does that mean? Well it gives us license to widely speculate and make up rumours based on little or no factual grounds. Work away folks, I look forward to reading some of your best efforts.

2.16pm: Norwich’s fourth bid for Celtic’s Gary Hooper has been rejected. Maybe Chris Hughton should take some advice from 1930’s American comedian WC Fields.

‘It at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point being a damn fool about it’.


2.08pm: The ‘shock move’ graphic is completely ironic in this case. Danny Graham has ended the ridiculous saga that involved Middlesborough and Sunderland and the former Swansea man is now a Black Cat. It’s a three-and-a-half year deal worth £5 million and should ease the pressure on Steven Fletcher’s back for the rest of the season.

2.04pm: ‘In, out, in, out and shake it all about. We do the Odemwingie and we turn around’. That’s the tune we presume the accountants at West Brom are humming right now because according to Chris Lepkowski from the Birmingham Mail QPR have come back in for the want-away striker.

1.57pm: Oh Sky Sports News you little tease. They tell us they have news about ‘Danny Graham moving to a club in the North East’ coming up right after the break. The suspense would probably be too much to bear if we didn’t already have a fairly good idea he’s joined Sunderland or, even better, if it was someone more exciting than Danny Graham.

1.52pm: Rumours are circulating round the office that Mr Deadline Day Jim White will be on our screens at 7.00pm. What will his first cliche be though? ‘You’ll hear it here first’ looks like a nice shout at 5/1. You can find all the odds and more right here.

1.42pm: There’s not a lot happening, nothing in fact. To the point where Sky Sports News are showing shots of a load of people sat behind computers and describing all the ‘hard work’ they’re doing in the run-up to 11.00pm. By ‘hard work’ I can only presume that they all swiftly minimised Facebook and opened up a technically looking Excel document.

1.36pm: It’s a done deal! Kieron Dyer has joined Middlesbrough on a short-term move. Here’s the reaction of the medical staff at the Riverside.

Dyer signs for Middlesborough

1.32pm: Woohoo! Harry is doing another interview from his car and his phone is ringing! There’s no real news, the long and short of it is that he’s chuffed about signing the man-mountain Chris Samba.

Redknapp car2 

1.27pm: Is the Chelsea barber set for more disappointment. After Fernando Torres and David Luiz had their mops chopped he must have been praying hard that Roman Abramovich would dip into his back pocket and pay for Marouane Fellaini to come to Stamford Bridge. According to Sky Sports that deal is almost definitely probably off. Still a good chance it could happen then.

1.19pm: For any forgetful Sunderland fans this is what loyal Newcastle fan Danny Graham said when asked who he would support if Newcastle United didn’t exist, while he was playing for Watford. Charming.

‘Put it this way I would stay as far away from Sunderland as I could. It would probably have to be Gateshead’.

1.15pm: According to Ben Smith from the BBC, Danny Graham to Sunderland is a done deal. He is obviously aware that the BBC can sometimes be as reliable as your nan’s 1983 Renault Clio, especially on deadline day, so he’s helpfully provided a picture for us.

1.09pm: Martin Jol has decided to reignite an old flame this afternoon. Luckily for his lovely wife Nicole this old flame is not some young attractive woman who Martin once courted, but instead Urby Emanuelson who played for Jol at Ajax and has now signed for Fulham from AC Milan on loan.

12.53pm: In a controversial move, Sky Sports News have ushered the eye candy, Iain Dowie out of the studio and enlisted the help of German soccer anorak, Kate Abdo.


12.44pm: Liverpool’s only move so far today is letting Dani Pacheco go out on loan to Deportivo Huesca. there’s also whispers of Doni not being around Anfield for much longer.

12.39pm: Alvaro Negredo to Everton was one of the shock potential moves on Transfer Deadline Days, but Guillem Balague seems to have burst that particular bubble.

Sadly, his bubble-bursting is based on logic – namely the logic that Everton have no money. Unless the were to sell a certain brilliantly hair-styled superstar …

Balague makes it a quickfire double bubble-bursting whammy by also telling us David Villa won’t be leaving Barcelona:

12.21pm: There’s been speculation that Andrei Arshavin will be leaving Arsenal this January. Zenit St. Petersburg are the 2/1 favourites to be his next destination, but after seeing these frankly mental photos, my money’s on him joining the Backstreet Boys.


12.15pm: Becchio gone to Norwich, former flavour of the month, Steve Morison goes to Leeds as part of the deal – Matt Barlow sums it up:

12.12pm: It’s confirmed Stoke have made a bid for Jack Butland. Is Begovic really going to get to enjoy his popcorn this evening?

12.10pm: Ian Poulter has just tweeted this. Either it’s him in his first Arsenal kit or the Gunners have signed Dido. She’d be an improvement on Andre Santos.

12.03pm: Andros Townsend to QPR is off. It seems to be news to everyone including Andros Townsend who turned up at the club for a medical.

12.01pm: Actual LOL, not just typing it and laughing silently to myself.

12pm: Wow! Only 11 hours to go. Quick, tell us what Danny Graham is up to.

11.58am: I was basking so much in the radiance of Yorke’s smile that I completely missed him saying this:

11.52am: How happy is Dwight Yorke?! He smiles all the time. He always looks like he’s being fellated just out of sight of the camera.


11.48am: Asmir Begovic seemed pretty certain he was going to spend his evening eating popcorn and watching Sky Sports News, but he might need a rethink if we blindly go along with made-up rumours. He’s now being linked as the target of a late bid from Chelsea. That’s Chelsea who already have Petr Cech and Thibaut Courtois on their books.

11.41am: Iain Dowie is the pundit in the Sky Sports News studio now. He’s aging well even if his pronuncation of ‘Ligue Un’ sounds somewhere in between a sneeze and an orgasm.

11.38am: Hoffenheim-bound Heurelho Gomes just tweeted this (before dropping the phone we’re guessing)

11.33am: Wigan have a £3 million bid for John Stones accepted by Barnsley.

11.31am: Mega rich golfer and voice of the ordinary Arsenal fans, Ian Poulter questions the lack of activity at the Emirates Stadium this Transfer Deadline Day:

11.26am: The guy at Stoke is mentioning that ‘Tony Pulis has been here since 7.30am’ at every available opportunity. What’s he hoping that will happen? Pulis gets head-hunted to be a milkman?

11.21am: ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try again. And then try again. And then up your bid slightly and try one more time’.

That seems to be the motto at Carrow Road as Norwich have reportedly made a fourth bid to get their hands on Celtic’s Gary Hooper.

11.19am: Luciano Becchio to Norwich is done. The world reverts back to its traditional axis.

11.12am: Swansea have accepted a £5 million bid from Sunderland for Danny Graham and this story is still in no way tedious.


11.06am: This ‘David Beckham to PSG’ yarn may not be the total crap I’d pegged it for. The BBC are reporting he’s on the way to the French capital to finalise a deal. But then again, they’ve also rigged a Blue Peter phone-in, so maybe we can’t place too much trust in them.

He’s available on a free, but he’ll cost a pretty penny in wages. On the plus side, Posh won’t eat much when she enjoys the corporate hospitality at the Parc des Princes.

11.02am: Napoli striker, Edinson Cavani has been linked with moves to Manchester City and Chelsea in the past and with an asking price of £54 million, you can see why. He’s told potential clubs not to let that massive price put them off because he’s worth it:

If a club has a clear project and they want to focus on me, they can’t be frightened in front of this figure

10.45am: Spurs player, Andros Townsend is having a medical at QPR. I’m not sure what the appropriate level of excitement should be for that news nugget.

10.41am: Fulham are linked with another Serie A loan raid. Marteen Stekelenburg could come to the Cottage until the end of the season if rumours are to be believed. The Dutch keeper might be tempted into a move, possibly to avoid any more run-ins with Lucio’s boot:

10.30am: David Villa will not be going to Manchester City apparently. Lovers of finely groomed facial hair are in despair.

10.26am: FC Dallas winger, Brek Shea (22) is in Stoke to work out a deal. Tony Pulis is keen, but a work permit may be a problem. The Potters are going to make the case that he can ‘improve the English game’ which if it means less playing time for Jermaine Pennant, is probably a debate they can win.

10.21am: Roberto Martinez says some nice things and factually accurate things about Aiden McGeady, but it’s not talking like a man who expects to lure him from Russia in the next few hours.

Aiden is a phenomenal footballer, but is a footballer that is playing his football in Russia. I don’t think that is going to change. It’s not going to happen.

10.15am: Alan Smith (the older, less badge-kissing one) is the pundit in the Sky Sports News studio now. He seems to be under the impression Mark Hughes is still managing QPR.

10.10am: Awww! In slightly sad news for fans of the goalkeeping howler, Heurelho Gomes (31) is leaving Tottenham for Hoffenheim on loan. Although now he’s going to actually play, so maybe it’s good news for goalkeeping howlers.


10.07am: It’s another hasty car window interview. This time Stoke goalkeeper, Asmir Begovic (25) stops his Range Rover to confirm he’s going nowhere. He also says he’d welcome Jack Butland to the Potters, even if it would provide competition for him.

9.57am: Christopher Samba tweeted this:

It’s not quite confirmation that he’s a QPR player, but it tells us it’s not far off. It also tells us he’ll need a new Twitter avatar in the near future.

9.55am: Alan Curbishley is back in the Sky Sports News studio and this time he’s moaning about how Transfer Deadline Day ruined his chances of taking Charlton to Champions League glory. That’s only a minimal exaggeration of what he actually said.

9.52am: After Dimitar Berbatov pulled up with a hamstring strain in last night’s game with West Ham, Fulham may lack a bit of firepower for the next few weeks. Interestingly, they’ve chosen to address that problem by making an inquiry into the chances of getting David N’Gog from Bolton.

9.49am: BREAKING NEWS! Oh Danny Graham, we don’t care enough to keep talking about you. The Swansea striker’s apparently ‘done deal’ surprise £5 million move to Middlesbrough is off, if it was ever actually on. Sunderland looks off the table, so maybe he’ll just have to be a Swan for a while longer.


9.47am: Sorry, we have no ‘complete bullshit’ image so I had to use the ‘shock move’ one. David Beckham to PSG is the rumour I’m dismissing out of had.

9.42am: Paul Robinson (33) is moving closer to amusing us all with his humourous attempts at goalkeeping in the Premier League. Big Sam thinks he’ll be an improvement on Jussi Jääskeläinen, but he also thought a moustache suited him for years, so maybe his judgement is a little awry.

9.37am: Peter Crouch has just turned up for training at Stoke driven by his father in law. There’s speculation that it means a deal with QPR is a long way off, but I think the most interesting part of it all is he gets a lift to training from Abbey Clancy’s dad. Wow – how the other half live.

9.32am: Paul Scharner (32) looks close to bringing his ‘popping up with a surprisingly high amount of goals’ back to the Premier League. Wigan are close to making the former Wigan man a current Wigan man thanks to a loan deal with Hamburg.

9.25am: Tottenham’s supply of of outlandish hairstyles could reach dangerously low levels if AVB has his way. With Tom Huddlestone looking likely to go to Fulham, Spurs could be prepared to offer Benoit Assou-Ekotto to Inter Milan in return for one Alvaro Pereira.

Who will we turn to for our crazy Tottenham hairstyles now? Hugo Lloris? Aaron Lennon? Scott Parker? Not bloody likely.

9.22am: Reports from Spain say Cristiano Ronaldo has stormed into Jose Mourinho’s office, demanded a transf … no wait. It’s another picture of a sunrise.


9.16am: Woohoo! It’s our first sighting of Harry Redknapp being interviewed from inside his car. It’s all very uncomfortable and uninformative. ‘Training is my priority today,’ he blatantly lies in a Lance Armstrong style.

9.13am: Quiet everyone, Jamie Redknapp is talking.

Here’s in the Sky Sports News studio and he starts off by telling us what ‘moving’ involves.

Sometimes you move north, sometimes you move south, sometimes you move from where you’re settled

Thanks Jamie. I was under the impression ‘moving’ was staying in the one place all my life until my body decomposes into a soggy mulch and gets eaten by cats.

9.10am: It’s been brought to my attention that portions of our target audience won’t get that reference to Supermarket Sweep. Well youth of the world, Supermarket Sweep was a late morning game show presented by Dale Winton. And a ‘Dale Winton’ is a perma-tanned staple of cheesy television show.

9.03am: Considering they’re linked with every player to have ever looked at a football, it’s no surprise to see QPR are favourites to be the Premier League club making the most signings on Transfer Deadline Day.

Southampton, Sunderland and Norwich are the likely also rans in this one horse race as Tony Fernandes embarks on his version of Supermarket Sweep.

8.57am: Alan Pardew is supposedly close to finalising a deal with Standard Liege to bring William Vainqueur to Le Nouveau Chateau Unis. Possibly purely because he’s French.

8.49am: Boro legend, Bernie Slaven welcomes Danny Graham with open arms:

8.38am: Well, no-one was talking about it or expecting it, but Celtic midfielder, Victor Wanyama has confirmed he will not be joining Manchester United during this transfer window. Ok. While we’re at it, I can confirm I will not be joining girlband, The Saturdays. The Kenyan didn’t exactly commit his long term future to the Bhoys however, telling us:

my manager feels I should play until the end of the season for Celtic. Then, from that point, the doors can be open for a move

8.34am: Tom Ince to Liverpool/Reading promises to be one of the on again/off again stories of the day. At the moment, we’re in an OFF situation. Reds boss, Brendan Rodgers is clearly an admirer of the Blackpool winger who Liverpool let go, but the paperwork might be too tricky to get completed by 11pm tonight. Rodgers told the media:

We could still do the deal it but it looks like that one is a bit too complicated at this stage

8.26am: BREAKING NEWS. Tottenham have offered .. hang on … here’s a picture of a sunrise:


It does link to Transfer Deadline Day. QPR are reportedly interested in signing the zebra on the left to boost their midfield options.

8.19am: It looks like Danny Graham will be leaving Swansea, but not for Sunderland as had been expected until he got booed at the Stadium of Light on Tuesday. For some reason, Middlesbrough are now his likely destination.

8.15am: Reports in the papers suggest that Christopher Samba will be paid £100,000 a week to join QPR. On Twitter, @2ndYellow sums it up concisely:

8.05am: One move that we haven’t heard much about is the possibility of Alvaro Negredo moving from Sevilla to Everton. That would be a shock, but possibly also a brilliant bit of business and the guy standing outside the Toffees’ training ground seems pretty confident it’s going top happen.

8.03am: The Sky Sports News reporter at QPR rattles off a whole host of names the Rs are reportedly interested in bringing in. It’s too long to list off, but just imagine any player who has ever played football and you won’t be far off.

7.55am: In more Tottenham tittle-tattle, Brazilian striker, Leandro Damiao had been AVB’s chief transfer target during January, but French sports newspaper, L’Equipe are reporting that they’ve also approached Lyon with a view to nabbing Lisandro Lopez. Is he an alternative or an accompaniment?

Here’s a glimpse of what Damiao can do from the recent Ronaldo XI v Zidane XI charity match:

Yes, it’s a fancy trick, but it also doesn’t fool the defender. And Damiao just ends up falling over and giving the ball away. Do Spurs really need that when they’ve already got Aaron Lennon?

7.43am: Tom Huddlestone and his magnificent hair are linked with a move to Fulham. To say Andre Villas-Boas is sending out some mixed signals about it is putting it mildly.

We’ve allowed the club to speak to the player.

The mini-Special One revealed, before expressing his admiration for him in an attempt to drive up the price.

He’s a player we rate very highly.

7.41am:WE CUT AWAY WITH IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS – here’s some shots of the sunrise over London on Transfer Deadline Day.

No word of a lie, that actually just happened on Sky Sports News. Wasn’t even a good sunrise.

transfer_outsidereport7.34am: Someone had to draw the short straw and stand outside the Britannia Stadium for the day. The news from Stoke is – I would advise you to get a firm grip of your hats for this one – Tony Pulis has turned up for work! At 7.30! Wow.

I don’t know why the Sky Sports News guy is so shocked. He needs to get in early. Planning who your players are going to kick and how hard they’re going to kick takes a lot of planning.

7.25am: If David Bentley makes a move today, it’ll be the third time he has switched clubs during the January transfer window. Here he is in a possibly doctored video of him kicking a ball into a skip from the top of a building filmed at the Red Bull headquarters.

Yes it might be faked, but the heart palpitations you get from drinking too many energy drinks is very real.

7.10am: Some poor unfortunate Sky Sports journalist is standing outside Manchester City’s training complex in total darkness, looking more like a burglar than a glamourous media type. It’s not really worth the hassle because all he says is that Manchester City have never NOT signed a player during the January transfer window.

So that’s what it’s come to – now we’re starting rumours that there might be a rumour later on today.

6.39am: At some point in the last few weeks, the members of the Sky Sports News production team got together and asked ‘who can we get in for Transfer Deadline Day that’s relevant, insightful and charismatic in front of camera?’ Oh how they laughed when someone jokingly said ‘Alan Curbishley’, but now the laughter as stopped and he’s sitting in the studio holding court on the days’ potential moves for some reason.

6.30am: Aston Villa are this morning tying up a deal for French U21 and Clermont defensive midfielder, Yacouba Sylla. That’s all their problems solved in one go then.

6.21am: AC Milan’s Urby Emanuelson is going to the place all players who haven’t quite lived up to their hype end up – Fulham. Martin Jol has used his Dutchness to secure a deal to take the winger to Craven Cottage on loan until the end of the season.

6.04am: Taking time out of her busy tipping up favourites who don’t win, Sky Sports News horse racing expert, Alex Hammond is in studio now. One of her first jobs is to tell us QPR are after David Bentley. Like following one of her tips, when will people learn?

6.02am: Could he do it on a wet Wednesday at Stoke? Jack Butland might have to because after saying no to Chelsea due to concerns about the amount of bench-warming he’d have to do, the Potters have made a move to sign the Birmingham keeper.

If we were to speculate wildly – and it’s Transfer Deadline Day so why not – does it mean they’re hastily lining up a replacement for the highly rated Asmir Begovic??? (extra question marks make it more mysterious)

5.55am: Lennon’s comments look to have some merit because already the Canaries are looking elsewhere. Norwich are reportedly close to landing Lucciano Becchio from Leeds as if that some sort of compensation.

5.45am: With not much time to go, you have thought lots of clubs were working through the night on potential moves. It looks like everyone was a bit sleepy and went to bed pretty early because not much has happened end since last evening.

One move that looks unlikely is Gary Hooper to Norwich. After watching his side go 40 points clear at the top of the SPL, Neil Lennon says the striker is likely to stay at Parkhead. The Hoops boss covered all the bases by admitting:

Never say never but we had a third bid yesterday from Norwich and that was rejected.

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