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Is Luis Suarez really leaving Liverpool?

by Aidan Elder | March 22, 2013

STICK WITH SUAREZ: Putting a tenner on Luis to be first goalscorer every league game would have given you a tidy profit

By Aidan Elder | Chief sports writer

Is Luis Suarez really leaving Liverpool and other international week tittle-tattle

We’re not saying it’s a slow news week, but the other day we read about Girls Aloud’s ‘shocking’ split and momentarily gave a shit. The thought ‘oh no, where will we get our fill of mechanical, limited performances devoid of any semblance of creativity yet littered with bizarrely big egos?’ did cross our minds.

That was until we realised Ireland are playing this week.

News is thin on the ground, a fact illustrated by the amount of coverage given to Rio Ferdinand’s withdrawal from the England squad, but thankfully the newspapers have come up with some prize transfer gossip to fill the void. Here’s a run-down of some of the best.

Luis Suarez (26) said ‘I will/won’t/coulda/woulda/shoulda be leaving Liverpool in the not too distant future for a club in the Champions League. In an interview done back in Uruguay, everyone’s favourite purveyor of the ‘cultural misunderstanding’ confirmed he likes it at Liverpool, but left himself enough wiggle room not to be labelled a badge-kissing hypocrite when he inevitably moves on.

I am very happy in Liverpool, but you never know in football

Bayern Munich have been linked, mainly because Suarez’s agent is Pep Guardiola’s brother. Juventus are also interested, but their lack of a blood relation to Suarez’s management is considered a hindrance. The Guardian

– When their bid for Suarez fails, Juve are likely to turn their attentions to Javier Hernandez aka Chicharito (24) aka ‘that Manchester United player who occasionally comes off the bench and scores an important goal, no, not Solksjaer, the other fella. What age is Solksjaer? He still looks about 12.’ Daily Mail

– It other Manchester United benchwarmer news, Anders Lindegaard says he could leave the club if he doesn’t get his chance to be the subject of abuse for perceived sub-standard goalkeeping in the near future. In scientifically suspect comments that would seem to ignore most of the soon to be retired Michael Owen’s career, the Danish keeper (28) said:

That’s how football players are. It’s a genetic thing in us – we live for the thrill of playing and the adrenaline you get when you step out on the pitch

– After years of having the financial ease of only having to get ‘Holt’, ‘Goss’ and the marginally more expensive ‘Eadie’ on their shirts, ‘shirt-printing karma’ is about to bite Canaries’ fans in the arse. They are reportedly on the verge of signing Sporting Lisbon striker and Dutch international, Ricky van Wolfswinkel for around £8 million due to the fact the Portuguese club are about as financially secure as anyone with a Cypriot bank account. BBC Sport

Don’t worry, actual club football will be back soon.

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