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Elizabeth Windsor Exclusive: Making some dough is the name of the game with the Royal Baby

by Aidan Elder | July 22, 2013


It wasn’t too long after the pomp of the Royal wedding and the subsequent months of drooling over Pippa Middleton’s arse that Will and Kate announced their first child was on the way. The wait is nearly over and Her Majesty, aka @Queen_UK, looks at the baby names and the tardy in-laws.

Well, those nine months have gone quickly. This weekend is THE weekend for the arrival of the new Royal Heir. At least it should be, although, if Catherine follows in the footsteps of her parents, it’ll probably be late.

Every single sodding time one has invited them anywhere, Mrs “we’re practically family, I do wish you would call me Carole Ma’am” Middleton breezes in about half an hour later than expected with some story about how Mr Middleton’s van had broken down on the M4 and she had to walk to a Costa Coffee at the motorway services and call the AA and how it’s sod’s law this never happens when they’re towing the caravan because at least then she’d have somewhere to go and lie down… The DoE says they ought to be running Royal Mail, given their total disregard for the importance of getting anywhere on time.


Of course, one has known the sex of the baby from the start. Not because they’ve had a scan, but because one is Supreme Governor of the Church of England. It’s a little know ancient privilege that one can make a quick call to the almighty and put in an order. Not letting on though; don’t want to spoil the excitement. Although quite frankly, one is expecting to make a killing at the bookies when they pay out on one’s bet.

Talking of betting, one’s been running a little private book at the Palace on the name.

  • Favourite so far for a boy:  Brian (as in May)
  • Favourite for a girl: Elizabeth (obviously)

Difficult job, naming a Royal baby (WEB)/(MOBILE) . One has to think not just of the fashion now, but that this little thing is going to be a monarch in the future. And you can’t really have a Head of the Commonwealth called Julie, that’s all one’s saying.

If one’s calculations are correct, we can expect to meet the new heir around 3.48pm on Sunday. The DoE’s popped a bet on it having more hair than William, although he didn’t get particularly good odds. Can’t think why.

It never reigns, but it pours so discover the huge range of Royal Family betting specials on DESKTOP | MOBILE

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