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Results of this season’s Ball of Shame Awards

by Rob Dore | April 29, 2014

While the PFA and FA other such organised acronyms focus on who’s been quite good this year and hand out awards accordingly, we went the opposite direction. Of course we did.

Instead of celebrating the great and the glorious, we’re shaming the thugs, dullards and anyone who brings the beautiful game in to disrepute in our first #BallofShame awards.

We allowed our twitter fans to vote for this season’s Premier League Grand Prick (overall winner), the Lee Bowyer Thug of the Year, the Joe Kinnear Award for Managerial Excellence, the George Weah’s Cousin Award for Worst Player of the Season and the Michael Owen Award for Dreadful Commentary. See below for the results.

MALKY MALARKEY:  Vincent Tan may be regretting his decisions to fire MacKay as relegation looms

MALKY MALARKEY: Vincent Tan may be regretting his decisions to fire MacKay as relegation looms

Grand Prick Award:

Vincent Tan

The Cardiff owner hasn’t exactly enamoured himself to the fans. Changing the colour of the home-strip from blue to red was pointlessly annoying for Bluebird fans, as was the rest of his re-branding. However the build-up to and the sacking of Malky Mackay, when he was doing a perfectly acceptable job has led many to believe that Tan is a bit of a knob. He tried to redeem himself by hiring former Manchester United star Ole Gunnar Solksjaer but that looks set to result in relegation.

TIME TO DE-PARD?: Newcastle fans are running out of patience with their head-butting manager

TIME TO DE-PARD?: Newcastle fans are running out of patience with their head-butting manager

Lee Bowyer Thug of the Year Award:

Alan Pardew

An argumentative egotist maybe but a violent thug? Alan Pardew’s headbutting of David Meyler was far more shocking because he’s a manager. He’s supposed to be the grown-up. This act of madness seems to have pushed him even closer to the edge with Newcastle fans increasingly voicing their displeasure. When people who punch police horses think you’re a thug, you need to take a right good look at yourself. Though if Pardew looked in the mirror he’d probably nut himself.

BACK WHEN HE IM-PREST:  Will David Moyes ever be this happy again?

BACK WHEN HE IM-PREST: Will David Moyes ever be this happy again?

Joe Kinnear Award for Managerial Excellence:

David Moyes

Poor aul Moyes. All he wanted to do was be like Sir Alex Ferguson. He had the accent, the dour look and his own watch. Alas he lacked all the other stuff needed and quickly lost the dressing room. Playing predictable and uninspiring football means the defending champions will miss out on the Champions League for the first time since 1996. He simply couldn’t handle the pressure, the abusive sky messages or Ryan Giggs stabbing him in the back.

TOO CLEVERLEY: All hype and little production made the United a popular choice for this award (pic: Inpho)

TOO CLEVERLEY: All hype and little production made the United a popular choice for this award (pic: Inpho)

George Weah’s Cousin Award for Worst Player of the Season:

Tom Cleverley

With no research we can guarantee that Tom Cleverley and the phrase “future England captain” have been coupled far more than his talent or performances warranted. So basically it happened more than once.
He certainly didn’t shine under David Moyes and depending on who takes charge he could find himself moving on in the summer. He’s not the worst player in the league but the gap between the hype and the reality is the reason why he won this award.

LOSING THE VILL' TO LIVE: The former Villa captain is deemed duller than Michael Owen...harsh (pic: Inpho)

LOSING THE VILL’ TO LIVE: The former Villa captain is deemed duller than Michael Owen…harsh (pic: Inpho)

Michael Owen Award for Dreadful Commentary:

Andy Townsend

How Michael Owen didn’t win this award is astounding. We named it after him we were so confident. Andy Townsend isn’t exactly undeserving but he didn’t beat Mr Owen by much. Tedious, uninsightful, unnecessarily hyperbolic and dull. Is how we would have described pretty much every commentator you lot voted for.

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