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World Cup 2014 – A spoofer’s guide to… Brazil

by Rob Dore | May 19, 2014

Fun Fact

Brazil has the world’s widest road; the Monumental Axis in the capital of Brasilia can hold 160 cars driving side by side…you know, because fuck the rain forest.

Wikipedia Fact

Despite being the largest country in South America Brazil appears to have no ambitions to invade any of their neighbours. In fact Brazil, despite every country in the continent bar Ecuador and Chile Brazil has no contested territories with any of its neighbours. Which somewhat scotches the stories of it being a home to vast numbers of former Nazis.

National Hero

Luis Alves de Lima e Silva was one of the most important military heroes of Brazil who fought in a number of wars namely- the Argentina-Brazil War, the War of Tatters, and most notably, in the War of Triple Alliance. At an early age Caxias entered the military at the First Infantry Regiment in the Court of Rio de Janeiro. Soon he rose to the ranks of general and baron, later becoming marshal, marquis, senator, and aide-de-camp of the emperor. Caxias was twice elected as the Minister of war as well as President of the council. Subsequent to the capture of Asuncion, he was superseded by the Count d’Eu and obtained the title of duke in 1869, the only Brazilian to receive the honorary title.

Caxias’ birthday on 25th August is celebrated as the Brazilian holiday Dia do Soldado in his honor. In addition the cities of Duque de Caxias and Caxias do Sul are named in honor of this national hero of Brazil

Football Pedigree

Seven times finalists, five time winners. They’ve made it to at least the quarter-final stage in 14 of the 19 World Cups since 1930. They haven’t failed to get out of the group since 1966. So yeah they’re pretty good. Brazil has produced some of the greatest footballers of all time and their attacking style of play is so renowned it has its own name.

Acceptable National stereotype

All the women are beautiful and all the men are way better than you at football. In fact all the men are beautiful and the women are better than football than you too.

Unacceptable National Stereotype

They’re either rich oligarch’s who pay mercenaries to hunt down and kill sewer dwelling street children for their pleasure or they’re impoverished, favela dwellers who deal drugs and shoot each other for shits and giggles like in that City of God movie.

Don’t Be Surprised If They

Start poorly, are written off by some pundits and suffer a ridiculous amount of abuse from their home media. Only to improve as they progress through the tournament on their way to the final.

Odds to win World Cup 2014: 3/1

To bet on Brazil, or check out the rest of the World Cup odds, Samba your way over here:
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