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World Cup 2014 – A spoofer’s guide to … Argentina

by Sean Goff | May 22, 2014

Fun Fact …

At least 1 in 30 Argentines undergo cosmetic surgery – and not because they’re ugly. The procedure is dirt cheap and the country has become a hub for cosmetic surgery tourism with organised coach tours through Buenos Aires’ suburbs trying to spot Joan Rivers.

Wikipedia Fact …

In 1971, former ‘first lady’ Eva Peron’s body was exhumed and flown to Spain, where husband Juan Perón maintained the corpse in his home. Juan and his third wife, Isabel, kept it in their dining room on a platform near the table.

National Hero …

Doctor. Revolutionary and Cultural Icon Che Guevara.

The darling of champagne socialists and intense, angst-ridden students everywhere – many of whom still think he’s Cuban.

Fidel Castro’s executioner-in-chief shunned the limelight, refusing to cash in on a lucrative line in iconic t-shirts, posters and after-dinner speaking instead finding common cause with ‘oppressed’ people who hadn’t actually realised they were oppressed until he arrived.

A figurehead for ruthless mercenaries everywhere from Diego Maradonna to Carlos Tevez,  Benicio Del Toro played ‘Che’ in the biopic of the same name – his first decent role since ‘The Usual Suspects’.

Football Pedigree …

Two-time winners (1978, 1986) and twice runners up (1930, 1990) Argentina are never far off favouritism when the World Cup finals roll around.

But their last outright win came in a Diego Maradonna-inspired victory in Mexico 28 years ago and they haven’t gotten past the quarter-final stages since finishing runners up to Germany at Italia ‘90.

With more firepower up front than the Swiss army, any team containing Lionel Messi (20 international goals in last 20 games), Sergio Aguero and Gonzalo Higuain, should have no difficulty navigating Group F opponents Bosnia, Nigeria and Iran.

La Albiceleste topped the CONMEBOL qualifying group in Brazil’s absence, while coach Alejandro Sabella once played for Sheffield United and Leeds.

Acceptable National Stereotype …

Warm, passionate, Tango lovers.

Unacceptable National Stereotype…

Violent, currency-hopping, shit-stirrers.    

Don’t be surprised if they …

Inspired by Messi, reach the semi-finals.

Odds to win World Cup 2014…

5/1

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