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World Cup 2014 – A spoofer’s guide to … Germany

by Sean Goff | May 29, 2014

Fun Fact…

Germans answer the phone with their surname instead of hello which can be a problem if you’re looking for a Mr or Mrs Muller and don’t know their Christian name.

Wikipedia Fact…

As the world’s most favoured location for international trade fairs, participating Germany cities have also seen  a spin-off industry of overweight, married, middle–aged men willing to pay for sex.

National Hero…

Albert Einstein. Definitely not the other lad.

Physicist, Nobel Prize winner and by all accounts, laydeez man, Einstein is a national treasure in Germany despite spending most of his life in the United States.

Hailed as a genius after developing the theory of relativity (E=mc2), but reportedly had trouble remembering family member’s birthdays. Became disillusioned with Germany and emigrated with his wife and family to the US in the 1940s and spent the rest of his life in Jersey.

He was later to marry his cousin – but there’s no evidence to suggest he thought he was living in Louisiana.

After his death on April 18, 1955 (aged 76) his brain was removed in an autopsy without the family’s permission by Thomas Stoltz Harvey who kept part of it at home in a jar before returning it years later to Princeton University Medical Centre where Einstein taught.

Football Pedigree…

The dog’s bollocks of international football who have been in seven World Cup finals – winning three.

You must never – as every two-bit pundit will tell you – write off your Germans who strolled through Group C finishing eight points clear of second-placed Sweden and thumped the Rep of Ireland 9-1 on aggregate in the process.

Only CR7’s Portugal, Ghana and the Jurgen Klinsmann-managed United States standing between them and the knock-out rounds. 

Acceptable National Stereotype…

Industrious, efficient, liberal poster child of Europe

Unacceptable National Stereotype…

Arrogant, Jew-phobic, deck-chair hoggers 

Don’t be surprised if they…

Win the World Cup for a fourth time.

Odds to win World Cup 2014…

11/2

 

 Think you’ve cracked the World Cup puzzle, here’s the latest odds on desktop | mobile 

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