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World Cup 2014: A spoofer’s guide to … Chile

by Aidan Elder | June 9, 2014

Fun Fact…

The Atacama Desert is found in the mid-western part of South America and some of the driest parts of the world belong to the Chilean section of the desert. In fact, some places receive as little as 0.1mm of precipitation a year and four year spells of no rainfall have been recorded. Scientists suggest that the region may have undergone a 401 year drought that ended in 1971, but more conservative estimates put the number at 40 years. That makes it the second longest in history after Cliff Richard’s drought which dates back nearly 50 years to the late 1960s. He just never found that one lucky lady.

Wikipedia ‘Fact’…

Chile is sometimes referred to as ‘the Land of Poets’. That’s not because they have an abundance of unemployed yet self-righteous alcoholics, it’s because the country has won three Nobel prizes for Literature, more than the rest of South America put together. Gabriela Mistral and Pablo Neruda won in 1945 and 1971 respectively while in 1982, Jose Bocagrosera for his epic poem ‘There once was a girl from Lairy Trussy … ‘

National Hero…

It’s hard to narrow it down, but it’s between Pablo Neruda and Jorge Garcia. One of them was one of the most revered and influential poets of all time and the other one was Hurley in Lost. Both sizeable tomes of work, we’re sure you’ll agree. Technically, Jorge is only half-Chilean being born in the USA to a Chilean father and Cuban mother, but on the other hand, he was in an episode of How I Met Your Mother, the pinnacle of achievement for mankind. Neruda wrote ‘Laughter is the language of the soul’, possibly explaining why so few religions recommend watching episodes of How I Met Your Mother as a means of attaining spiritual fulfillment.

Football Pedigree…

Chile have a long, proud history in international football, but not one that features a whole lot of trophies or winning anything – a lot like Rochdale, except in far nicer weather. They finished third in 1962 when they hosted the World Cup, but since then, they’ve made five appearances at the World Cup, winning a grand total of two games out of a possible 17. Over the years, they’ve produced a load of top quality players with fantastically lustrous hair such as Leonel Sanchez, Marcelo Salas and Ivan Zamarano, but never enough to truly make the breakthrough to become contenders. It’s a similar story this time around as they head into this tournament with the talent and healthy looking hair of Alexis Sanchez, but a lack of other top quality names to support him.

Acceptable National Stereotype…

A proud highly cultured and diverse people making the most of a highly varied nation.

Unacceptable National Stereotype…

Your standard South American donkey-riding peasants only with an exaggerated sense of their own importance.

Don’t be surprised if they…

Get spoken about as if they can cause a few upsets, but then get dumped out in the group stages because they’re in with the Netherlands and Spain.

Odds to win World Cup 2014: 50/1

Backing Chile might leave you cold, but you’ll find all the hot prospects over this direction:

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