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World Cup 2014 – A spoofer’s guide to Cameroon

by Sean Goff | June 10, 2014

Cameroon:

Fun Fact …

Human sacrifice is illegal, but whenever Mount Cameroon rumbles, it is said that they look for someone who is an ‘albino’ as a sacrifice to appease the spirit of the mountain.

Wikipedia Fact …

Traditional sports include canoe racing and wrestling, while the national pastime seems to be believing in superstitions and general freakery. Cameroonians fear demons, witches, black magic (juju) and the devil as much as England’s players fear a penalty shoot-out.

Visitors are advised by locals not to carry their children on their shoulders as any devils flying overhead could possess them. There’s also the ‘belief’ that traffic accidents are caused by witches and warlocks who put a ‘charm’ on the road when they need a blood for a sacrifice – although driving cars that haven’t passed their NCT since the late 1970’s may have more to do with it.

National Hero …

Roger Milla.

Old ‘snake hips’ played in three World Cup finals and was reportedly 104 when scoring four goals in Italia ’90 as the Indomitable Lions became the first African side to reach the quarter-finals, before England ended their giant-killing dreams.

Milla had retired from international football in 1987 but – in a not unusual turn of events – was persuaded by Cameroon’s president Paul Biya to come out of retirement. He later cashed in on his iconic corner-flag goal dance by signing a contract with Coca Cola.

Earlier this year he was named as one of the world’s greatest 125 living football players by Brazilian legend Pele.

Football Pedigree …

While the term ‘political football’ has long been in use – Cameroon have taken it to a different level. They took the scenic route to Brazil after their federation (Fecafoot) was briefly suspended by FIFA last summer due to “political interference”.

However, the very same day, the national side received a World Cup lifeline when they were awarded the points and a 3-0 result over Togo. Les Eperviers won the original game 2-0 but fielded a suspended player. Cameroon subsequently topped the group and beat Tunisia 4-1 in the play-offs.

Their adventure may be short-lived however as they’ve been pitched into Group A with hosts Brazil, Mexico & Croatia.

In a scene not unlike Milla 24 years ago,  Chelsea striker and star man and Samuel Eto’o (55 goals in 112 games) had retired, but has now returned. Was last heard claiming nobody will pass to him while coach Volker Finke was named Cameroon’s Sports Personality of the Year.

Acceptable National Stereotype …

Proud giant killers, with a wicked sense of humour

Unacceptable National Stereotype …

Superstitious, Machiavellian, learner drivers

Don’t be surprised if they …

Arrive home before the postcards

Odds to win World Cup 2014 …

500/1

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