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World Cup 2014 – A spoofer’s guide to … Colombia

by Sean Goff | June 10, 2014

Fun Fact …

Colombia is the world’s third-largest manufacturer of women’s lingerie.

Wikipedia Fact …

The national sport ‘Tejo’ involves firing a steel disc at a metre-square target filled with gunpowder at the end of the ‘Tejo’  lane – while generally drinking your bodyweight in beer.

Originally developed by indigenous tribes where the winner got the pick of the local lovelies from neighbouring villages, many of Columbia’s drug gangs are thought to have honed their skills at Tejo before tackling the forces of law and order in the rest of the world.

National Hero…

Gabriel Garcio Marquez – the Nobel Prize winning author, who died last month.

His most famous work ‘100 years of Solitude’ earned him international acclaim. But it was his earlier works of non-fiction like News of a Kidnapping that recounted high-profile abductions by the Medellin drug cartel run by drug lord Pablo Escobar, that made Gaba a house-hold name in Colombia.

His rants against US Imperialism made him enemies in high places as did his friendship with Communist’s poster boy and Cuban President Fidel Castro.

Football Pedigree …

Reached three consecutive finals in 1990, ’94 and ’98 but as coke production went up, their footballing fortunes nose-dived.

Despite being coached by the unfortunately named Jose Peckerman, Colombia emerged from a two-year, 16-game slog to qualify – just two points behind Argentina. Although hosts Brazil’s absence.

Their World Cup ambitions were dealt a serious blow when star striker Radamel Falcao pulled out through injury as he scored a third (9) of their qualifying goals. But Los Cafeteros are solid in defence and conceded the least amount of goals in the qualifiers.

All their best work comes from Monaco’s attacking midfielder James Rodriguez (22) who cost the French side £37.5m last summer from Porto.

Acceptable National Stereotype …

Sophisticated, literary, South American go-getters

Unacceptable National Stereotype …

Psychopatic, pony-tailed, gang bangers

Don’t be surprised if they …

Cope better than most with the heat and humidity of Brazil and get to the quarter finals.

Odds to win World Cup 2014 …

33/1

 

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