There should be some fanfare music playing in your head right now because this is big.
The Paddy Power corporation in conjunction with our finest tech nerds are delighted to announce the arrival of our brand spanking new iPhone app. Well, our tech nerds aren’t comfortable communicating in any other form than online message boards, so we’ll do the announcing on their behalf. We know it’s class however because we haven’t heard our tech nerds talking about Game of War in ages! Although that glimpse of Kate Upton’s cleavage did cost us a couple of weeks. And several strained wrists. Goddammit Kate.
Unfortunately our nerds threw a load of technical mumbo-jumbo our way that we didn’t understand. Our eyes glazed over and we started thinking about types of cheese we like. Gouda – so under-rated. What we do know is that the new look app has you in mind at the heart of it. We’ve moved things around to make it easier to use than an insecure teenage kid with loving but distant millionaire parents. We could use a load of fancy buzzwords that don’t seem to make any sense like ‘customer centrifugal focus’, ‘big data driven responsive mobile digital architecture’ and ‘good Justin Bieber song’, but we prefer to say the app is, ‘Totes Amazebrilliant’.
We’re proud of many of the features it has to offer, but if we had to shamelessly big up a few in a snappy blog that communicates why it’s so great, we’d say:
1. It’s really quick
This is one of those vague things everyone says when they release a new app. ‘Hey, it’s faster – letting you can hook up for meaningless sex all the quicker’ they say, safe in the knowledge that you probably haven’t been keeping scientific record of every single response time you’ve had while using the app. Well, this time it’s different. We’ve gone out of our way to design an app that runs more smoothly and super quick. Honest.
2. It’s much easier to place your bet
Ideally you’d have placed your bet well in advance of an event starting, but we know that doesn’t always happen. We’ve removed a couple of steps in the process meaning you can get your bet on in fewer clicks. That may not sound amazing right now, but it’ll come in handy in the seconds before you’ve remembered it’s not the 1980s and Liverpool will almost certainly stumble to a mediocre draw against Crystal Palace. For younger people in the audience, a ‘click’ is what people had to do before everything became touch screen.
3. We got coupons!
Not the ‘collect 400 vouchers to get 4p off your next purchase of eight gallons of Flora’ type of coupons. The ‘all the matches happening in a particular sport listed in a convenient way’ coupons. Previously, you couldn’t see the list of matches and the prices in one go but we’ve rectified that situation with coupons featuring live odds and updated scoreboards.
4. Our betslip
Mobile betslips can be one of most annoying things about getting a bet on via your smartphone. It’s more of a ‘first world problem’ rather than an ‘I’m going to form an army to right this tremendous outrage’ kind of problem, but still. First of all, the nerds have made it all swipey and stuff. That’s probably not the technical term, but you can swipe the betslip in to see it on screen and then swipe it the other direction to get it off screen. Plus, if the odds change while you have the betslip open, that information will be displayed in a less intrusive way than before. We’re good like that.
Not quite as good as a free bar tab admittedly, but it’s close. The app now has four tabs on the homepage – popular events with prices to allow for quick access, in-play to do the same for in-play events, next races giving you instant access to the most current gee-gees, and top bets so you know what everyone else is backing as well. Quick and easy. Happy days.
- So what are you waiting for? Download it now here, and tell all your friends about it. Then go and dig out more Kate Upton GIFs. They’re mesmerising.