Carnage. Carnage right, left and centre in the boardroom. Sugar has been killing off characters like he’s writing Game of Thrones.
Right, so we’re well aware that The Apprentice is all pre-recorded and we can’t offer odds on it. We know that the outcome has probably already been decided and Lord Sugar is currently using him or her as a footstool or to remove specks of dried feces from his dogs’ arses. Still though, that won’t stop us enjoying the show in all its cringe-worthy glory and guessing who will go on to claim victory.
Week Six saw the candidates test their ability to hustle money by using their skills as handy men and women. Or to give it it’s more informal name ‘Operation Don’t Alienate Members Of The Audience Working In The Trades’. From the outset, it was clear that this would suit some of the hopefuls about as well as rigourous examination of their made-up CVs.
With her real-world experience in the construction sector, Elle took control of Team Versatile. Fittingly, she took a wrecking ball to her chances of success. She promptly forgot to get a flyer made and couldn’t have been more destined for the sack if she blew into a tissue, casually rubbed the contents onto Claude’s shiny head and reminded the former Spurs chief executive that he was the man who believed Christian Gross was the man to elevate the club to its former glories.
In stark contrast to Elle’s ineffective yet highly amusing flapping around, Joe couldn’t have looked more comfortable if he was in a ‘Creepy Facial Hair’ competition. His efforts in building what looked to be a costume department for hobbits earned him a rare exemption from getting turfed out despite being on the losing team. He’s now the overwhelming 8/13 hypothetical favourite to win the whole lot.
After successfully brown-nosing Dulwich Hamlet as if they were Real Madrid, Brett landed the plum job of washing down the 500 seats. And then seemed to overlook the fairly basic fact that water takes a while to dry, giving his silver cloud a bit of a shitty lining that saw Team Connexus pick up less money than they should have. Brett is 14/1 fourth hypothetical favourite for victory, but it’s Vana who really benefited. Her ability to piss on Scott’s parade of outrageous gardening fantasy and actually arrange a job the sub-team could actually get done see her become 5/2 hypothetical second favourite to win the show.
The Apprentice Winner Odds (hypothetical)
- 8/13 – Joseph Valente
- 5/2 – Vana Koutsomitis
- 9/1 – Richard Woods
- 14/1 – Brett Butler-Smythe
- 14/1 – Scott Saunders
- 16/1 – Sam Curry
- 25/1 – Gary Poulton
- 33/1 – Charleine Wain
- 40/1 – Selina Waterman-Smith
- 50/1 – David Stevenson
With the multitude of hilarious incompetence provided by the task, it was no surprise to see Lord Sugar’s waggily finger of death do overtime in the boardroom. Elle didn’t even get the chance to bring a few people crashing down with her as Sugar kicked her out during the review. Sugar looked genuinely sad – or genuinely constipated, it’s hard to tell – in sacking Mergim who was clearly enthusiastic if somewhat getting himself confused with Steve Jobs while saying April slipped off into obscurity is unfair as it implies she left obscurity in the first place.
David’s struggles with the metric system had him in the firing line, but he’s not out of the woods yet. He’s sized up as the hypothetical 7/4 to be kicked off the show next week but if it’s possible, Selina and Charleine should minimise their smugness as they’re not far behind at hypothetical odds of 5/2 and 3/1.
The Apprentice Next Elimination Odds (hypothetical)
- 7/4 – David Stevenson
- 5/2 – Selina Waterman-Smith
- 3/1 – Charleine Wain
- 5/1 – Gary Poulton
- 10/1 – Sam Curry
- 18/1 – Brett Butler-Smythe
- 18/1 – Scott Saunders
- 33/1 – Richard Woods
- 66/1 – Vana Koutsomitis
- 80/1 – Joseph Valente