Remember all those giddy birthday parties from your youth. All the laughs, all the fun, all the grown adults telling you:
“I need to point your attention to these gaps in the wood. It can be very dangerous if we get our fingers in there.”
Ah … those cherished memories. Week eight’s was essentially Operation Party Planning (aka How Much Cheap Tat Can We Emotionally Blackmail Parents Into Buying?). It involved the teams planning two birthday parties for children with unusual parents. Clearly they love their children enough to be willing to spend a sizeable sum on a birthday party, but they don’t love them quite enough to hire somebody who actually knows what they’re doing and won’t try to treat a glowstick like a 1,100 carat diamond.
As the above quote suggests, the party organised by Versatile – led by Gary The Giraffe – was about as much fun as a prostate exam from Edward Scissorhands. David’s overly officious adherence to the health and safety manual didn’t lead to loadso fun times and strangely enough, the hokey-cokey didn’t quite cut the entertainment mustard with a generation who can download a series of Game Of Thrones with a few taps of their smartphones.
Despite not actually being able to contact their client and having Richard doing what can only be described as a Gordon Ramsey mixed with Charles Manson impression, Connexus somehow won the task. That was largely down to Richard being tighter than a ‘who can make the most disapproving faces?’ competition between Karren and Claude. Their incompetence was almost amusing as their collective failure to coming up with anything that made teenage girls laugh, but thanks to Richard’s reluctance to give anyone the steam off his piss, they made the greater profit and survived for another week.
Versatile’s struggles put favourite, Joseph Valente in the firing line when not many people would have expected it. His failure to fully grasp the potential consequences of anaphylactic shock blemish a record that was looking pretty exemplary prior to that. On the other side of the fence, Vana put up with Richard’s bellendery and came out of the task with great credit and an even greater understanding of how to handle egomaniacs. Obviously we can’t offer actual betting because nearly all of the show has already been recorded, but the hypothetical The Apprentice betting looks like:
The Apprentice Winner Odds (hypothetical)
- 10/11 – Joseph Valente
- 7/4 – Vana Koutsomitis
- 6/1 – Richard Woods
- 16/1 – Scott Saunders
- 18/1 – Brett Butler-Smythe
- 40/1 – Gary Poulton
- 66/1 – Charleine Wain
- 80/1 – Selina Waterman-Smith
With his rulebook thumping and failure to sell a load of t-shirts, it was no surprise to see David get his marching orders. What was more of a surprise was seeing Charleine get hooked back into the boardroom blame-dodging just as she thought she would be the one to escape. She survived this week, but she is in pole position to be dragging her wheelie suitcase out to the waiting taxi next week.
Gary The Giraffe wasn’t helped by his team, but he also wasn’t helped by his fondness for dithering. If this was the African Savannah, the remains of his corpse would currently be being humped by a smug lion faster than you can say ‘wait a minute – is that kitten that’s very close to me or a lion that’s far …’. Nom, nom … full of necky tastiness. The hypothetical odds for next Apprentice elimination are:
- 7/4 – Charleine Wain
- 2/1 – Selina Waterman-Smith
- 11/4 – Gary Poulton
- 10/1 – Brett Butler-Smythe
- 12/1 – Scott Saunders
- 40/1 – Richard Woods
- 45/1 – Vana Koutsomitis
- 50/1 – Joseph Valente