January is a cold and bleak time of the year. Resolutions are made and broken within days, a return to work beckons after a few weeks of sleeping in until 2pm, and the thick whiff of turkey farts still floats around your house like an evil fog.
Thankfully, something magical is peaking up above the horizon. A happening that will lift the January funk, and return the giddy, pre-Christmas excitement that now seems like so long ago. On Sunday January 24th, the WWE beefcake train rolls into Orlando’s Amway Center for the 2016 Royal Rumble.
If WrestleMania is the granddaddy of pay-per-views, then the Royal Rumble is the cool, likeable uncle that everyone has time for, even if they can’t stand the rest of your family.
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The main event is – duh! – the 30 man Royal Rumble match. A bruising, draining contest that pits 30 warriors against each other until only one man is left standing. A bit like Take Me Out. The Rumble is always a highlight of the WWE calendar; the winner going on to WrestleMania to vie for the WWE Championship.
Anticipation for this year’s event, however, was sent into the stratosphere last night on Raw, when WWE owner and resident dickwad Vince McMahon announced that reigning (pun intended) heavyweight champion Roman Reigns must defend his title in the Rumble match. That’s right; Reigns will enter the ring with 29 foes looking to send him violently over the top rope in order to be in with a shot of leaving with the gold. Again, sort of like Take Me Out.
In other Raw news, six-time world champion Chris Jericho made his return to the WWE, interrupting a promo by tag team Champions The New Day to announce his participation in the Royal Rumble. His legion of fans – known as the Jerichoholics – seemed ecstatic. The New Day, not so much. They were standing in the ring dressed like unicorns, to be fair. It’s hard to take any man seriously, no matter how angry they appear to be, when they’re dressed like a unicorn.