It’s Royal Rumble week, and on WWE Raw in Columbus Ohio it was time for Vince McMahon to pick out who will be entered number one in the Rumble on Sunday. We’d like to tell you that this draw was completely fair, unbiased and upholds all that is trustworthy in the squared circle. Unsurprisingly it wasn’t.
A dramatic drumroll and a spin of the WWE tumbler later and Vince wasn’t too happy with the name he pulled out to be the number one entrant. So he chucked it back in and pulled a different name out. Low and behold, it’s arch-nemisis Roman Reigns entering the Royal Rumble first. But, in the interest of fairness, Vince was happy to do another draw. A quick spin later and Reigns is drawn at number one again. Tough luck for the champ.
Vince and daughter Stephanie had a good old chuckle and decided to spin for a third and final time. The entrant drawn out was, once again, Roman Reigns. The McMahon family were delighted and Vince made sure everyone knows Reigns won’t be number one after Sunday. Stephanie meanwhile had a jolly chuckle at the fact that for the majority of this segment Vince couldn’t open the tiny plastic balls. There’s no chance of a career as a bingo caller for the bodybuilding peanut with a good tailor once he packs in the wrestling game.
Later on in the night Chris Jericho entered the ring hyping up the three main Rumble hopefuls – Reigns, Brock Lesnar and, Jericho himself. The 45-year-old Canadian is fairly full of himself, and clearly feels he can be crowned champ on Sunday – proving that even people whose middle name is as crap as Keith still have plenty of self-confidence.
Lesnar’s side-kick Paul Heyman does what he knows best and trash-talked Jericho for a while. He ticks all the necessary hype boxes and finishes off with a rousing ‘Suplex City’ chant which got the crowd giddier than a field full of geese. Jericho then threw down the gauntlet, and told Heyman he’d be the one to throw The Beast over the top rope – The equivalent of tickling an angry former UFC fighter with a pink feather boa. Brock marched to the ring to confront Y2J, but before he could get there Roman Reigns appeared!
Bear with us, because here’s where things get messy. Reigns and Lesnar go at it with Reigns gaining the upper hand. Then our Irish hero Sheamus ran down and gave Reigns a healthy kicking. Go Ireland. Sheamus’ closest friends saw that their buddy was not doing a good enough job of battering Reigns, so Alberto Del Rio, King Barrett and Rusev appeared to throw in their two pennies’ worth. Unfortunately while they were focusing on Reigns, they made the schoolboy error of forgetting that Brock Lesnar is knocking about. He gave Rusev and Del Rio a suplex each, while Sheamus got pounded with an F5. Lesnar turned around and got hit with a spear from Reigns and the lights went out.
But it didn’t end there. Oh no. This is WWE Raw after all.
The lights came back on and the meddling Wyatt family were in the ring. Wrestling’s version of Eastender’s Mitchell clan – Braun Strowman would probably be Sharon in this tenuous comparison – took down Reigns with a swift and brutal attack, and then managed to deliver the same fate to Brock Lesnar. The Phil Mitchell equivalent of the Wyatt family, the dastardly Bray Wyatt, nailed Lesnar with a Sister Abigail finisher and yelled that Sunday’s Rumble would belong to him.
What does that mean for the odds? Well, not a whole lot to be honest. Despite not making an appearance on Raw, Triple H is still the favourite, while Reigns is an shot despite getting drawn number one. Brock Lesnar is knocking around the betting at , while Bray Wyatt is a punt for the time being – but could be due a little more support after his dominant display at the end of the show.
Chris Jericho is showing that no matter how much trash he talks, with a middle name like Keith you’re not going to go far.