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WWE Raw Review: The Rock returns to talk about llama dicks, and the Main Event at Fast Lane is announced

A jam-packed episode of WWE RAW on Monday, featuring The People's Champ, and a shocking announcement about the main event at FastLane

by Josh Powell | January 26, 2016

The day after, the night before. After a Royal Rumble which gave us a hellacious Last Man Standing bout, a new United States Champion, another dose of Ric Flair’s dirty tactics, and most importantly of all, a new WWE World Heavyweight Champion, RAW came to us live from Miami. And it was full of surprises.

Unsurprisingly the show began with the McMahon family, as Stephanie and Vince heaped a load of praise on the now 14-time Champ Triple H. Clearly delighted that they had managed to dethrone Roman Reigns in the Rumble, the McMahon’s dished out a few home truths about respect, suffering, and why, if you want to renegotiate your Sky TV contract, you should ring the customer service line five minutes before closing on Friday because the agent at the other end will be desperate to go home and more likely to cut you a deal. (OK, they didn’t do that last one, but it’s sound advice all the same).

Stephanie and her gigantic arm muscles finished the segment by announcing that whoever wins the main event at FastLane will go on to face Triple H at WrestleMania 32, and she’d announce the FastLane bout later on…

Note to self: Never arm wrestle Steph.


The other big talking point of the evening was the return of The Rock! The People’s Champ offended The Miz, made Big Show cry, flirted with Lana, high-fived Pat Patterson, and laid the Smackdown on Tag Team Champions The New Day in a thoroughly entertaining 10 minutes of action.


The highlights from Rocky’s various trash talking are, in no particular order:

  • [To Miz] ‘Hey good to see you. You look like a blind nun’
  • [To Lana] ‘Remember you said you didn’t want to be with Rusev anymore! You said he was big, hairy, and he smelled like rotten testicles’
  • [To Rusev] ‘You’re engaged to be married! Ah congratulations. You’ve got a hell of a woman here, she’s flexible as hell. Woooooo’
  • [To New Day] ‘What’s amazing is the fact that you’re still entertaining when you’ve got llama penises strapped to your head’
  • [To New Day] ‘Let me take that trombone, and shove it up all three of your candy asses’
  • [To New Day] ‘Why are you in a huddle? You look like three uni-bitches stood in a circle. Get your asses in here’


The main event on RAW was a tag-team match pitting former Shield members Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose against Sheamus and Rusev of the League of Nations. Alberto Del Rio and King Barrett were at ringside for the League of Nations and obviously chipped in with a few cheap shots here and there while the referee checked to see how many Tinder swipes he had got since freshly bleaching his hair.

After the match broke down towards the end, Reigns hit our Irish hero, Sheamus, with a Spear to pickup the victory, but the good guys weren’t done there. Rusev was due a little retribution for what went down at the Rumble, and so is the way in WWE, revenge is a dish best served through an announce table.

Reigns and Ambrose combined to powerbomb Rusev through the English announce table on this occasion, leaving the Bulgarian Brute flat out at ringside.


Stephanie McMahon then appeared at the top of the ramp to announce the main event at FastLane. In a match to decide who faces Triple H in the showpiece of WrestleMania 32, it would be Roman Reigns v Dean Ambrose v Brock Lesnar in a triple threat match!

What does this mean for former tag partners and friends Reigns and Ambrose? Well no doubt over the next few weeks we’ll see lying, back-stabbing, miscommunication, and a general disintegration of their relationship, while the looming threat of ‘The Beast’ Brock Lesnar gets bigger with every passing day.

FastLane is less than four weeks away, so keep your eye on for all the latest WWE odds. Wooooo!

  • All the latest WWE odds will appear at this link here: Desktop | Mobile

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