Tee hee! We said ‘erection’. And we’re allowed say it because we mean ‘construction’. Not boner. Or stiffy. Or throbbing gristle. Or bouncing burrito.
Ok, that’s enough. Now that we’ve got that dose of childish humour out of the way, we should probably tell you about our little bit of political mischief. In the early hours of Saturday morning, our mischief munchkins hit the streets of Dublin to launch our poster about the Irish General Election.
It features Fine Gael leader and current Taoiseach, Enda Kenny locked in a tender embrace with Fianna Fáil boss and leader of the opposition, Micheal Martin. It’s standing proudly above Soder+Ko on George’s Street in central Dublin emblazoned with the words ‘FG and FF to embrace coalition 13/8’.
It’s funny because it’s the most shocking hook-up since Miley and Fidelma got frisky in the Glenroe hay. Look – they’re hugging! They’d never hug like that in real life! Ha ha! We’re hilarious! Well, our mums tells us we’re hilarious at least.
Here’s some pictures because there’s only a certain amount of bigging it up we can do with words.
Of course, the couple are massively unlikely to get together in romantic life. Enda Kenny is a married man – a heterosexually married man we should add thanks to the referendum conducted by his government – and Micheal Martin is from Cork and therefore massively unlikely to ever like anyone who is not from Cork.
History tells us that a partnership in political terms is as unlikely as the Ray D’Arcy Show getting a second season. In a beef that traces it’s origins back to that time Liam Neeson got shafted by the nation’s very first president, Alan Rickman (RIP), the prospect of a Fianna Fail coalition with Fine Gael has always been unthinkable.
But with the rise of Sinn Fein, the explosion of amusing Independents and the fact that Labour TDs in the next Dáil are going to be harder to find than a virgin in Coppers, it’s a partnership that’s much more likely to happen in the aftermath of the Irish General Election.
At odds of , our betting says it’s the most likely government after the election, slightly more likely than the available for a renewal of the uneasy alliance between Fine Gael and Labour that has steered the nation since 2011.
The polls suggest that there’s lots of uncertainty ahead with no party likely to secure an overall majority. The incentive of holding on to power and getting the best parking spaces at Leinster House might be enough for both the Blue Shirts and the Soldiers of Destiny to agree to this previously unthinkable couple.
Feilim MacAnUnpronounceable, spokesperson for Paddy Power’s dubious stunts explained:
“I’ve already got a gold card for Coppers so I needed a way to get well in with another one of Dublin’s fine establishments. Soder+Ko is perfect because they do food and I can get a good feed before committing murder on the Copper’s dancefloor. They didn’t give me a gold card, but they did say they’d give me 8% off a Chicken Yakitori platter if I ever bring a date in there. The joke is on them because I go on upwards of two dates a year. I’m a bit of a player actually. I once got a smooch. Oh yeah”