Ready … steady … ggggg … get down off that ladder and take that election poster with you!!
After months and months of tedious speculation, the date has been set. On Wednesday morning, Taoiseach Enda Kenny, strode into the Dail with his standard delicious side-parting and dissolved the 31st Dail Eireann paving the way for a General Election on Friday February 26.
Being ever-helpful and eager to figner-bang the hornets’ nest, we decided to give our honourable parliamentarians a gentle reminder about certain unfinished business they may have. With a frantic three weeks of campaigning and clinging desperately to political life (and political pensions) ahead, it could be easy to ‘forget’ to settle outstanding bills. Chief among them, the unsettled bar tabs many elected TDs and senators may accrued over the lifetime of this Dail. And we did it in the most imaginative way our Marketing Department could come up with – by sticking a really big ad on a truck and driving it to Leinster House. Here’s some pictures in case you think we’re making up a shit story:
Here’s a red-haired mystery woman who we definitely didn’t pay to take a picture and seem interested in our stunt:
Ha ha! We’re so innovative. Next week might even try one of those new-fangled ads in a ‘newspaper’.
Our ad pokes fun at the fact members of the Dail have developed something of a reputation for enjoying the hospitality facilities available at Leinster House. That’s putting it mildly. ‘Would lick a drop of whiskey off a wasp’s micky’ is the way of putting it less mildly.
One report declared that two bars within the confines of Leinster House did almost €7,000 worth of business on the night of the infamous debate on abortion back in July 2013. In 2014, it was reported that baliffs would be employed to pursue politicians with outstanding Dail bar tabs with around €70,000 in tabs left to be paid at the end of 2012.
In fairness, we couldn’t begrudge anyone a few Jagerbombs ahead of several hours of debating Ireland’s increased participation in the EU’s school fruit scheme. Or anytime you’ve to listen to Michael Healy-Rae. In fact, we’d recommend it. Still though, that’s no reason to leave the taxpayer to fork out for the unpaid bar bill. That’s more uncalled for than The Corrs’ reunion.
With the politicians now free to engage on a whirlwind of hand-shaking, baby-kissing and making outrageous promises they’ll conveniently forget the moment votes are in, Enda Kenny is the overwhelming favourite to be Taoiseach after the election. What’s less clear is the type of government he will be leading with a Fine Gael/Fianna Fail colation the favourite followed by similarly plausible options of Fine Gael at and Labour at and even a Fine Gael minority at . Ooooohhhh – exciting politics time.
Feilim MacAnUnpronouncable, spokesperson for dubious Paddy Power stunts explained:
“This was definitely entirely my idea and no-one else came up with it. I’m creative and I know about politicsism, which means I’m clever. And I’m funny. I’m kind of the complete package. It’s strange that I’m still single. I don’t know why. My mammy was saying the same thing to me when she was tucking me into bed the other night. I’m totally a catch. I even use wine bottles as free weights. Full ones sometimes. Hashtag machine.”
Em … thanks Feilim. Here’s some more pictures we may as well use because we’ve paid for them: