WWE RAW kicked off last night with a contract signing ahead of Fastlane. In Paddy Power if you’re given a contract, you spend a few minutes reading it, sign it, and hand it back to the nice lady in HR. You don’t throw a table at her. That’s bang out-of-order. Contract signings at the WWE however appear very different.
Stephanie McMahon is the HR representative in this instance and she gave the three Fastlane competitors their introductions – much to the annoyance of manager Paul Heyman who was denied the opportunity to roar ‘Brock Lesnar‘ down the microphone. Dean Ambrose signed first, followed by big brother Roman Reigns, before The Beast himself stuck his autograph on the bottom line.
Ambrose, still a touch annoyed by last week’s attack from Lesnar, then decided this would be a great time to go for Brock. In the next 20 seconds the following happens, and Lesnar barely breaks a sweat:
- Lesnar throws Ambrose at Reigns
- Lesnar picks up the contract table and launches it at Reigns
- Lesnar picks Ambrose up like he weighs no more than a two-day-old kitten and hits him with an F-5.
It was ruthlessly efficient.
Later in the night Dean Ambrose returned to the ring and said the F-5 didn’t even hurt. Now according to Dean Ambrose’s Wikipedia page (the source of all very reliable information) it says the Lunatic Firnge dropped out of high school in Cincinnati. That makes a lot of sense now, because you’d be a few chips short of a Happy Meal if you thought calling out Brock Lesnar was a good idea.
Unsurprisingly The Beast showed up and flattened Ambrose with a few slams and clotheslines. Ambrose kept getting up from each beatdown before Brock nailed him with an F-5. Incredibly Dean Ambrose wanted more, but before Lesnar could dish out another vacation in Suplex City, Roman Reigns’ music hit. As Roman walked down the ramp and Lesnar locked eyes on him, Ambrose snuck up from behind to give Brock a swift shot to the plums.
Not even a 6ft 3in, 286lb slab of concrete like Brock can take a sneaky slap to the balls. There’s an important lesson there kids.
Last night’s WWE RAW was also the final opportunity to say goodbye to Daniel Bryan. The three-time WWE World Heavyweight Champion announced his retirement via Twitter hours before the show – due to numerous concussions over a 16-year career. Bryan was credited as being one of the great in-ring performers, and overcame the odds of being 5ft 8in to be a leading player in Vince McMahon’s cut-throat business. There were a number of Bryan montages, a tear-jerking speech from the man himself, and a whole load of YES! chants to close out the show.
Oh, and of course Mark Henry, Sexual Chocolate himself, became an honorary unicorn for a short while, and even played The New Day’s trumpet. It was all for nothing in the end as Mark Henry abandoned the Paddy Power Blog’s favourite Tag Team Champions during their 8-man Tag Team match, and Big E got planted through a table by those dastardly Dudley Boys.
A sad end to the night for The New Day, but Mark Henry wearing a unicorn horn was superb.
We’re now less than fortnight away from Fastlane, and Brock Lesnar is pretty dominant. On the scale of useless to destructive, he’s a kick to the crown jewels away from being unstoppable.